Missing the life I use to have

So my mom informed me today that you should only do one blog a day but I am going to do another one. Well, as you read in my last entry, my life has been pretty hectic these last two years. People tell me everyday that it will get easier but honestly, it just keeps getting harder and harder. There has been no easier to come out of any of this. I think that these past 4 months have been the hardest. The amazing boyfriend I was talking about in the last blog is now a memory..or so everyone thinks he should be. Let me tell you a little bit about our relationship or old relationship whatever you want to call it. I met Trent, that is his name, in the 6th grade. Him and I had a crush on each other but then he moved away, I thought I would never see him again but our 8th grade year I saw him at the open house and to say at the least that I was so happy he was back! When school started up, I had a ton of girls that I never talked to come up to me yelling saying "your so lucky! Trent likes you!!" and I would play it off like it didn't matter but I would go screaming to my friends "TRENT LIKES ME! TRENT LIKES ME!" Him and I didn't really start dating until our freshman year though but when we did start, he made me so happy! We were a normal couple, we had our share of arguments and we hung out all the time! Where there was Trent, there was Alexis and where there was Alexis, there was Trent. Our friends got a kick out of it, they always knew where to look if they wanted to hang out. Everything was great! Then one Tuesday afternoon in November 2010, everything changed. I was at school and Trent had not felt good that day so he stayed home. But anyway, it was right after lunch that someone had come up to my locker and tapped on my shoulder. I turned around to see who it was and right as this person went to open their mouth to say something, their girlfriend quickly blurted out "DON'T SAY ANYTHING! SERIOUSLY, DON'T!" And I just kinda looked at the two of them confused and said "tell me what?" And the girl just looked at the floor and finally told me what she was planning on keeping to herself..as soon as she told me, my stomach just dropped (the rumor isn't about him cheating or anything but its still upsetting). I kept telling myself that it couldn't be true, it couldn't be! But soon enough, this rumor was around the whole school and that night, after getting home from cheerleading practice, I had called Trent and I asked him about the rumor but he just denied it. So the next day at school, everything was tense and the only person I talked to really was Trent. Suddenly, after 4th period, Trent met me outside of my classroom and as we were walking to our next class together, he just kept repeating the words "Lex, I love you so so much! Please don't forget that." At first I thought it was cute, but after hearing it for the like 50th time, I started to get suspicious. After class was over, I looked at him and I said "the rumors true..isn't it?" and he said no and then right after saying no he said " I really want to tell you something..but I'm scared" and I told him "well tell me because I have to go to class." After the minute bell rang, I started to walk to class and I heard him behind me blurt out "the rumors true..." I immediately stopped walking, turned around and walked toward him and started crying and I told him it was over. He walked to his class crying..and I walked to mine crying. But then something weird happened. After class had ended, I walked up to him and hugged him and told him that I had forgiven him but then he switched feelings and told me we needed a break. I was surprised and hurt! For a month, I went through hell! I called him all the time but most of the time, he ignored my calls. He hardly ever talked to me at school. And worst of all, he never said sorry for the rumor or anything! It was terrible! I cried myself to sleep practically every night just asking myself over and over again what did I do to him to deserve this? I didn't understand? Then in December, he got into a fight with my cousin at school and they both got kicked out of school for 2 weeks, after that my parents told me that I couldn't see him anymore. For some reason, after everything he had put me through for that whole month, hearing those words come out of their mouths..it killed me. They told me I was not to talk to him, or see him anymore. I didn't know what to do with myself? I felt lost, as if there was nowhere left to go. After he found out about what my parents had decided, he started to feel guilty I guess? He messaged me apologizing for everything and he told me that he loved me very much and that he would never stop! After not hearing that for a month, it felt good to know that after all that time, he still felt the same way about me that he used to when we first started dating. But things were still hard, my parents still didn't want us to see each other and they still don't. Its been 4 months since the last time we were actually together and let me tell you..it feels like a lifetime! I see him everyday at school and I have to walk past him constantly to get to my classes, and it takes every ounce in my body to not stop and talk to him! Just seeing his smile takes me back to all the good times we had together. Seeing him at his locker, makes me miss him more and more each day. But what hurts the most, is knowing how strongly we still feel for each other and  there is nothing we can do about it. I think he would agree also when I say that if we could go back in time and change what went wrong, then we most definitely would! I know my parents don't like to hear me say this but I love Trent! I love him very much! After everything we have been through, good and bad, I still love him very much! And I don't think those feelings are ever going to change! As they say, you never forget your first love. And boy oh boy is that true! Trent will always have a place in my heart and our memories will never be forgotten. Well, I think that is enough for tonight. But thanks to everyone who reads my blogs! Have a wonderful night everyone!