God will never give you more than you can handle..

Okay, so I definately havent wrote on here in forever but right now i feel like its a need to do so. Its been 7 months since i have seen my boyfriend, trent. In september, it had been 3 months since i had seen or talked to him and out of nowhere at 7 p.m. he called me. He had absolutely with no doubt made my night! But ever since that month..i havent heard his voice..he has wrote me letters but seeing his face and hearing his voice would be ten times better! But anyway..last night his mother who is like my ultimate best friend, had texted me and told me that trent was on facebook. I was so excited i could barely breath, I was stumbling for my phone to log onto facebook. And ever since last night..my stomach has been in knots just waiting for him to message me and tell me how much he misses me and that he loves me..well, today we got into an argument before he logged off. And i cant get it out of my head. How can it be that this person that i love so much more than anything, is the one person that i am always fighting with? I dont understand? He is such a beautiful person, inside and out. If any of you have not been able to meet trenton wade let me give you a little insight of what he is like. He is athletic, handsome, funny..he can make you laugh no matter what mood your in guaranteed! He is driven, passionate about things that he truely loves, sweet, caring, and at times he can be serious but yet doesnt know the meaning of the word serious. And you can count that he ALWAYS has a smile on his face that can brighten anybodys day! He is an amazing guy. Ya know what you read those books or watch those movies with the amazingly cute couples who seem like they are meant to be together yet in the end have to split apart because all they do is argue? You get so mad when you see them breaking up because you thought in the back of your mind that they would last forever..you never know think that that could happen to you. Until your right down to the 2 decisions that could make your life what you want it to be or change it for what it should really be. This is at most one of my favorite quotes "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13" When i read this quote it really makes me think. It makes me realize all the stupid things that people who claim to be in love fight about that really is just pointless and a waste of time. For the past year, i have faced the challenge of having to turn to one of those tw options that you are faced with in life and today i have realized what i truely want. I love my boyfriend more than anything! He means so so much to me. I believe in him more than i do myself. I am very proud of who he was when i first started dating him and i am even more proud of who he is turning back into. He is a great guy. And instead of just letting him know, i wanted to let the whole world know exactly how much i love trenton wade custer!

"This is gonna make us stronger, its gonna make forever longer..."

hello everybody. So, its been about two months since i have saw, talked, touched, kissed trent. And it is killing me! I hate it!! Its like a never ending game, never knowing when i will see trent next..it makes me sick. I just really miss him and I love him with all of my heart! He isnt a bad guy ya know? He is amazing! And even though he has hurt me a lot in the past year in a half..i have had my share of hurting him also. Looking back now, i don't even know why we spent so much time fighting and hurting each others feelings? After an hour or so of trent and I fighting my mom would say "will you two just please get along and quit bickering?!" and trent would say "angie, we arent bickering..we are arguing. it isn't really fighting, just disagreeing" lol. Today, my mom and I sat in her bedroom and watched some of trent and travis's youtube videos. I laughed so hard! I cried too..but it wasn't bad tears. It was more like "welcome back old trent. i have missed you so much!" whenever i watch those videos, i realize how much i miss the old trent, the trent he used to be. I miss him so much. I cry all the time and then i think to myself that me crying isnt bringing him home. I just wish none of this bad stuff would of ever happened. So many things have changed in just a couple of months. I am actually slowly losing contact with trent's family and I hate that more than ever. I hope that maybe sometime in the future they can forgive me for ever hurting trent. Because honestly, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him with all of my heart! He can make me smile just by looking at me. He can always make me laugh, and no matter what...i will never give up on trent. He is so important to me and I care for him a lot! He means so much to me and I never want to lose him. So i really hope he comes home soon. I love you trenton wade! never forget that.."never let go" i love you so much!!!

Why can't we go back in time to make the wrong things right? :'(

Hello everyone, I haven’t written in a while. I guess I stopped because I assumed things were going much better, but then reality sets in and everything I though was good gets thrown down the drain again. I feel kinda numb right now so excuse me if some things sound odd or stupid. Wow..me and trent sure have had our ups and downs this year..he is gone again. ): I feel so alone without him! He was truly my best friend…but now he and everything else is gone and all I can do is cry to myself. I was there for him to cry to multiple times! I have held him while he just layed in my arms and cried. But where is he at when I need to cry? :’( he is nowhere to be found and it hurts me so bad! And you know what hurts the most? When the stories about him never stop! Everywhere I go, there is always somebody who has a story to tell about him..and they aren’t the good ones either. Gosh, I try telling them to just stop and quit trying to tell me but they always insist on finishing what they have to say. And let me tell you, when they tell me their stories, they hit me like a ton of bricks right in the chest. They make me want to get sick!! They make me cry!! Im alone..): and everywhere I go, everywhere I look…there is always something that reminds me of him. It hurts so bad! I try going on walks by myself to relieve some of the stress and emotions but really, they only get worse when im alone. I don’t understand why this is happening..and I really don’t understand why he lost his feelings for me? I loved him so much! I still do!! But why this? When I first met him, I never imagined I would be this in love with him but when we first did start dating, he treated me so good! I never thought we would of ever of gotten to this point..it hurts me so so bad!! :’( I just wish things were back to the way they used to be…I would give anything to have it all back. I miss him..and I miss it all.

losing what I thought I would always have...

hello everyone! Kay..so, nothing has really gotten any better which i am pretty used to by now. I think that I have finally lost the one person who made me the happiest! If he is reading this, then I want him to know that I am very sorry and that I will always love you!! Have you ever lost something that you wish you could have back? Its like agonizing pain that wont go away!! You feel like your insides are slowing falling apart, i hate this feeling!! I look at it now and just think to myself, what happened? I am so in love with him and you can't even tell..we fight all the time and in the past every time we would fight i would tell myself as i was crying "oh..its okay, this always happens to us but then we end up working things out and getting back together" but now..i don't think that is happening this time and that is something i am going to need to learn to cope with even though it hurts like hell!!! Time heals itself but I am Trent to know that I AM SO SORRY!!!! and I don't hate you...I could never hate you! I love you more than anything and you are my other half! Bye Trenty...you will always hold a place in my heart and thats a promise...

Wishing things were back to normal

Goodmorning. I am having one of those days were I just can't pick myself up. I feel like I am twenty feet underground, I feel alone, and hopeless.  I just don't know what to do with myself? I feel like I am somewhere I don't belong and I have so much pain harvesting down on me! I am not even Alexis anymore. I am some person that walks around in Alexis's body pretending to be her. Pretending to be happy even when she's not. I hold this fake smile on my face, showing it to everyone..but let me tell you..behind closed doors, its nothing like a smile. Its all tears and hurt! I have been hurting so bad lately..my chest literally hurts! My heart feels empty..and I am not just saying this..I really mean it. I am in so much pain from heartache, I don't kow if I am coming or going. I feel like I am just spinning in circles not knowing which way to go to get away from all of this. I have been so upset over all of this pain that I puked my guts out! I lock myself in the bathroom sometimes just so I can cry! My body hurts..sometimes I feel numb from all of the pain..I can't cry, eat, sleep. I just sit there and stare at the wall. I pray every night for God to take away this pain and let things work out between me and Trent but each day, I still wake up with the same pain I had the day before! When Trent was gone, things seemed a little bit easier...his best friend Jason would come to school every monday and say "alexis..trent wrote me this weekend and wants me to tell you that he loves you.." I would hear it every monday for a month and a half..I still thought about trent everyday and everynight. I still dreampt about him, I still saw his smiling face everytime I closed my eyes, and sometimes..I could of sworn I saw him standing at his locker smiling at me waiting for me to go over and talk to him..I cried all the time, but some days were easier than others. Somedays I wouldn't cry at all but then there would be somedays when I would cry all day long thinking I was going to die of heartache. I remember the day that told us all if wether he was coming home or not..I was scared all day, I prayed every class period and I as I walked to lunch with one of my old friends Kelsi..I remember saying to her "kels..nobody has heard anything from trent..I don't think he is coming home" and I glance over at jason and he gave me a thumbs up..I immediatly started to scream and cry! I turned around to kelsi and started to bawl my eyes out saying "kels..my trenty's home! My trenty is home!" I said it over and over again and she hugged me and spun me around and whiped my tears and I couldn't even eat..I walked out of the lunch line and into the bathroom so i could cry..it was one of the happiest days of my life! I remember coming home from school that day and logging onto facebook and having a message from trent saying "he lexie..I am home now and I can't wait to see you! We have a lot to talk about but I want you to know that I missed you and I can't wait to see you" I was so happy! I was on cloud nine..no lie. haha. That day was the happiest I had been in a very very long time. Actually..last night, I was laying down on the couch with Rose, the giant pink teddy bear trent bought me for valentines day last year, and as I was laying there staring at the ceiling until 1 in the morning..i started to think about all of our old memories. All the good times and the bad and it made me realize that everyone goes through a little bad before they get to the really great! I realized that I would much rather be spending all of this bad time with Trent rather than be spending good times that someone else. I am sure you are all saying to yourself "well that is pretty stupid..wouldn't she rather be happy then upset all of the time?" Well yeah..but Trent does make me happy! Its all of this us not being able to be together that breaks me down. My grandma told me one day "lexi, if you and Trent really do love each other the way you say you do thenin the future everything will work out and you guys will be very happy." So i hope everything works our in the near future :)

The old days are what I miss the most

Good morning. So, I woke up this morning because my stomach hurt really bad and because my sister and our cousin were arguing in the kitchen. Then, randomly, I started to think about the YouTube videos Trent and his cousin Travis used to to make. They are hilarious! They would make them and then they would text me and my best friend Becca to watch them. When we did, we would be dying on the floor laughing! I will sow you guys one or two of my favorites :)

I love the way the act in this one! It cracks me up! :)

           
Okay, you have to watch Trent in this one! He looks so funny :)
        

Travis wanted to give Trent a makeover..pretty great huh? This video made me laugh the hardest I think :)

Kay, so these were the people that pretty much made my life last year! hahaha. Well, plus some others. I remember when me and my best friend Becca had a double date with Trent and Travis. We all four went to the movies and the whole way there, Trent and Travis kept laughing and me and Becca were getting so irritated and all the sudden you hear beck yell "what are you guys laughing about?!" Then you hear Travis say, while laughing keep in mind, Trent keeps trying to hold my hand. And then Trent starts cracking up saying "uhmm, no! Travis is trying to hold my hand!" and then beck says "kay, why don't you both put your hands in your laps and then we don't ave to worry about that. How about that?" Gosh it was so funny! I miss those days so much! When me and Trent first started dating, his mom lived just up the road from me until oh probably about the sixth or seventh month we had been dating then she moved about that time to another place. But I remember taking my dog outside to use the restroom and seeing Trent and Travis running around the back roads making their YouTube videos. And I would sometimes hear from a far distance "hey lexie!!" Geez, they made me laugh! I remember one day, Trent looked over at me and said ?I wonder where Travis is going to live when he is older and then Trent started laughing and I looked over at Trent and I said "uh, not with us!" and then I started laughing and Trent goes "why not?" and I was "Trent, seriously. I can imagine it now. Travis sleeping in our guest house eating all of our food and paying for nothing!" It was the funniest conversation ever! Of course we were just joking! Travis, if your reading this..we were joking. We know you will do something with your life :) Plus, our door is always open. lol."  I miss all of this so so much! But hopefully one day, I can have it all back :) 

Leaning on God

Good morning! Kay, so I went to bed at 9:00 p.m. last night and I layed awake for about 2-3 and a half hours. I couldn't get to sleep for the life of me! I layed awake, laying in bed just staring out the window. Then I wake up at 5:00 this morning and went into the living room to watch t.v. I would of went back to sleep but I didn't feel well, plus it didn't really help that it was storming outside. But anyway, at about 6 or 7 this morning, I pulled out my bible and devotions book. This morning, I was looking for bible verses to write down and I came across a letter that my cousin had wrote me while he was in jail. I started to read through it and in the letter, he was comforting me about my break-up with my 8th grade boyfriend. In one part of the letter, Johnny Mac said "The valley sucks, Lexi. but once we're on the other side of the valley, we learn to be thankful for the journey." And then he gave me a bible verse, he told me "every time you write me about a problem in your life, I'm going to tell you what God says about it". Here is what the verse says "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4. I think its funny that after everything that's going on right now, as I am going through my bible, I happen to stumble upon a letter relating the same topic that is going on right now. Ya see, that is the way our god works. He will do just about anything to prove to you and everyone else in this world that he is in control. No matter what happens in life, God is there and he is never going to leave. "There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 19:24. I don't know about anyone else, but I am very proud to stand up and yell at the top of my lungs that I believe in Christ! I grew up in church as a little girl, but as I got older we grew apart and stopped going. But I can say now, that I am happy that I started going young and then eventually stopped but still loved God, rather than grew up not knowing Jesus and just now finding out there really is a God. I rely on God for everything! I pray for fifteen to twenty minutes every night, I know that I can tell God anything and there is no judgment and I can trust him with everything! I was at the park with my cousin yesterday and we saw this little girl playing with her parents, she looked so free. She had no drama, no boyfriend to worry about, no pain..she looked like the happiest person in the world. I looked at her and it made me miss being that age. I miss being careless and not having a worry in the world! Now, careless means getting pregnant at the age of 16 and everybody is worrying because we have so many teenagers doing drugs and dying. Its hard to live a nice, peaceful life these days. All we can really do is lean on God and let him take care of everything. That is what I am doing at least. Well, thanks for reading! Have a wonderful day!