Why can't we go back in time to make the wrong things right? :'(

Hello everyone, I haven’t written in a while. I guess I stopped because I assumed things were going much better, but then reality sets in and everything I though was good gets thrown down the drain again. I feel kinda numb right now so excuse me if some things sound odd or stupid. Wow..me and trent sure have had our ups and downs this year..he is gone again. ): I feel so alone without him! He was truly my best friend…but now he and everything else is gone and all I can do is cry to myself. I was there for him to cry to multiple times! I have held him while he just layed in my arms and cried. But where is he at when I need to cry? :’( he is nowhere to be found and it hurts me so bad! And you know what hurts the most? When the stories about him never stop! Everywhere I go, there is always somebody who has a story to tell about him..and they aren’t the good ones either. Gosh, I try telling them to just stop and quit trying to tell me but they always insist on finishing what they have to say. And let me tell you, when they tell me their stories, they hit me like a ton of bricks right in the chest. They make me want to get sick!! They make me cry!! Im alone..): and everywhere I go, everywhere I look…there is always something that reminds me of him. It hurts so bad! I try going on walks by myself to relieve some of the stress and emotions but really, they only get worse when im alone. I don’t understand why this is happening..and I really don’t understand why he lost his feelings for me? I loved him so much! I still do!! But why this? When I first met him, I never imagined I would be this in love with him but when we first did start dating, he treated me so good! I never thought we would of ever of gotten to this point..it hurts me so so bad!! :’( I just wish things were back to the way they used to be…I would give anything to have it all back. I miss him..and I miss it all.